and i still think you don't.
please, can you open up your hand, and reveal your palm.
i want to look, to feel, your humanness, because i cant make any other connection.
it's a burst of pure joy when your body is within that perimeter of sensory.
but you seem unfazed,
you always do.
so i try to do the same.
it's like a contest, who can hide the best,
who is the better actor.
but i want you to look at me and reactivate that feeling we agreed upon killing.
well, maybe putting it into a coma
but i refuse to reciprocate those subtle glances of genuine kindness
and retaliate with apathetic glances of my own.
because i dont want you to feel that i am weak, or weakened by you.
but i can tell that you already realized...
..........................................................
you intrigue me with a curiosity that i haven't recently experienced.
i want to know how you live, how you could be,
because,
secretly
i want to be you.
you have all i've ever wanted in life
and if i cant be you, i want to be apart of your life.
so if i start to... be awkward and unkind, please realize that it's me trying to not let you break me.
let your mere presence break me.
i have these weird feelings.
i'm a weird person
but if i can honestly say
you amaze me
and if i can confront you
i would have conquered my biggest fear.
but why?
why should i care so much, if i can't even care for myself?
but it's not a big deal
i better just be quiet
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